Spirit {Christmas and New Year 2015: Musings on Suffering}

Lately suffering to me has been very cold weather, freezing floors, very loud snoring (LOL!) and clothes that are more suited for summer than for winter. Traveling to China and experiencing winter for the first time made me realize, more than once, how Filipinos who live in shanties, the homeless and even the poor here in China manage the cold, rain and storms. Add to that being away from home, and I would often find myself wishing I was back in familiar territory, with its warm evenings, Christmas carolers who sing for 5 seconds, sunny skies and the company of my family and friends, two and four-legged alike. 

I know the title of this blog post doesn't evoke the tiniest bit of Christmas spirit but as I 'suffered' through the cold and loneliness and complained incessantly about it to my long-suffering husband, I was constantly reminded of the suffering that had to happen before we could celebrate Christmas as we know it. On the first Christmas there were no lights, no carols, no thick  scarves and  colorful sweaters, no adorned trees surrounded by lavish gifts. There was a smelly manger, a woman who labored, probably scared and in so much pain, in the cold (I don't think there were heated stables back then) and a husband who probably was at his wit's end trying to deal with a delivery while surrounded by livestock. It's so unlike the comfortable, warm and cozy Christmases that we have. And that was only the beginning. To think that there was nothing comfortable nor lavish about the life that that baby was going to live, but instead a life full of suffering. And He went through all of that for me. *sigh* It boggles my mind. 

So as we bought groceries I looked for something to bring that Christmas spirit to our home. Alas, Chinese stores do not stock up on Nativity scenes and we had to make do with a tiny, tabletop Christmas tree. It was far from what I had in mind, but I saw the star and I guess it would have to do. At least, it reminded me of the star that led the wise men to the stable, the star that says, even if the world sat unknowing of this birth, the heavens knew, and there, a great celebration was happening--

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God

and saying, 

“Glory to God in the highest, 

and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!” 

Luke 2:11–14

In heaven, there was joyful celebration, because it was finally happening, this child was going to be born and the prophesy of salvation, through suffering, was going to be fulfilled!!! Mind boggling moment again! This put my 'suffering' into perspective and made me realize how blessed I am, tiny puny me, to be the reason why all that suffering had to take place--me, in a heated apartment, bundled up with two scarves, thick socks and the heater on full blast, while complaining about the sorry state of my life.

And so, I look back and thank God. For suffering. For love. For grace. For faithfulness. For pain. Because He suffered so much more for me. And even though 2015 has been full of pain, joy, love and everything that I can't put a name on mixed in, I saw His hand through it all, probably even clearer this time. So here's to a new year, a 2016 that will hopefully be filled more of Him and less, less and even lesser of me. 

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!

A few snippets from our Christmas Eve.

Travel {Fried Pork Chop, GuanYing Xiao}

The feels! The feels I have for this Japanese restaurant that serves the best fried pork chop in the land! This was a happy accidental discovery by myself and JP while we were walking around GuanYing Xiao. We entered Sunshine Mall and discovered that the fourth floor was the default food floor, since that's where different restaurants, from Japanese, Thai and even an American-style pizza place kept shop. This place is extra memorable, because this is where I used chopsticks on rice FOR THE FIRST TIME! It boggled my mind, in the past, to see people picking up rice with the finger dexterity of acrobats-- I knew that I could never do it. And I didn't for years, until one day when I was so hungry and the pork chop looked so good that I knew I would have to learn how to pick at rice with chopsticks if  I didn't want to starve. The servers, who are young, very friendly Chinese kids, always look happy to see us, so it's no surprise why I look forward to weekend lunches in this place.

travel, travel, travel, travel, travel, travel, travel, travel, travel, travel, travel, travel, travel, travel,
Sometimes I look back at moments like this and realize how these milestones came out of random walks and unplanned trips that led us to discoveries that we would revisit over and over again, and there is nothing but gratitude for moments like these. Chongqing is a city of hotpots so finding these gastronomic havens is something that I will always be thankful for. 

Portraits {Ann}

“Do you see that out there? 

The strange, unfamiliar light?

 It's called the sun. 

Let's go get us a little.”

― Nora Roberts,

 The Hollow

There are days where I am just amazed at the beauty of light and how it falls perfectly through leaves, and this was one of them. This place is one of my favorites because you step in and everywhere you go, you are shaded by a canopy that lets in the most gorgeous light, no matter what time it is. This day was spent for exploration and just soaking in soft, morning light while surrounded by tall trees and winding pathways.

I got to enjoy the pretty little things again, with great conversation thrown in. Our location scouting turned out to be the mini-portrait session that we had talked about a year before, but this one was totally unplanned. Still, it turned out great. Conversations with Ann just flow, whether we're in a cafe or walking through a mini-forest and stopping to marvel at yellow berries. We even reached a point when we both realized that a three-hour coffee chat is often far from enough, since we usually last well into the night, even if we met up for lunch! It's probably because she's one of those people who is tuned in to the same wavelength as I am, and we prefer quiet talks over loud, group conversations. But the laughters are always easy to hear! It's always a wonderful time when you can take pictures and laugh with such heart. Plus the light! The light was beautiful that day, soft, glowing and fresh. 

If you want to go to a place where it's quiet, beautiful and peaceful, you might want to visit Father Tropa's Zoo. It's one of my favorite places because the light is just so beautiful, even when the sun is shining its hardest! The place stays cool, you can hear the sound of birds and the rustling of the leaves, and if you're lucky, you get to see leaves turn yellow, brown and even red. Plus, the animals there could really use your donations. :) 

Personal {Chasing Light}

“Do you see that out there? The strange, unfamiliar light? It's called the sun.

 Let's go get us a little.” 

― Nora Roberts

 The Hollow

I love working freelance. I think it's the only job I know, and it's not by accident. When I was younger I had this vision of myself  with a wooden house by the beach with a large, wide balcony, a dozen or so dogs, and an open living room with my office in the corner, where I had the perfect light and view of the beach. Isn't that just the life??? And although I don't live in a beach house (not yet, anyway!!!) I do love just waking up and walking to the next room and firing up the day while having my morning coffee. It beats having to dress up and show up for the boss any day!  

However, there is on

Travel {Noodle Shop}

“Do we really want to travel in hermetically sealed popemobiles through the rural provinces of France, Mexico and the Far East, eating only in Hard Rock Cafes and McDonalds? Or do we want to eat without fear, tearing into the local stew, the humble taqueria's mystery meat, the sincerely offered gift of a lightly grilled fish head? I know what I want. I want it all. I want to try everything once.” 

― Anthony Bourdain, 

Kitchen Confidential: Adventures in the Culinary Underbelly

So there's this really small  noodle shop just around the corner from where we live in Chongqing and it serves the best spicy beef noodle soup! The meat is soft, the noodles firm and it is the right amount of spicy. This place is where I really learned how to eat noodles with chopsticks. For the longest time, I have shied away from learning how to use chopsticks because I thought I can live with dishes that do not require eating with them, but that was all before I tasted their noodles.

The place is fairly small, with just about six or seven tables and there's only one person behind the counter. She takes your order and prepares it in the kitchen. But the service is fast and the noodles are always done right when she serves them. Gaaah, my mouth is watering just thinking about them! This shop is one example of local eats that make this place really interesting to be in. There's a McDonalds, a few Western style bakeshops and even a Seven Eleven nearby, but after some time, you get bored with fastfood (and it makes you sick!) and you want to try out what the locals are having. For those who want a tamer version of Chongqing's hot and spicy fare, a visit to this small noodle shop is a must. 

travel, travel, travel, travel, travel, travel, travel, travel, travel, 

Travel {Exploring Nooks and Crannies}

“I drift like a cloud,

Across these venerable eastern lands,

A journey of unfathomable distances,

An endless scroll of experiences...

Lady Zhejiang here we must part,

For the next province awaits my embrace.

Sad wanderer, once you conquer the East,

Where do you go?” 

― Tom Carter, 

China: Portrait of a People

Back in May, JP and I went to Foreigner Street, an amusement park of sorts in Chongqing that takes kitsch to a whole new level. The place is filled with replicas of Western landmarks, a Western-style chapel, pubs, fairy-tale streets, street performers, hawkers, costume shops that take photos of you in traditional Chinese clothing, and amusement rides. In short, it is crawling with people. People have a love-hate relationship with the park, from what I have read, but for those who see the interestingness in places and things, this place is worth a visit. 

Apart from the rides and the touristy souvenir shops, there's a section of old Chinese courtyards, which were fairly quiet and had very little foot traffic, since most Chinese are probably familiar with these courtyards anyway and avoided these places for the livelier sections of the park. I was mesmerized at how real the place looked. I used to watch Chinese movies dubbed in English or Tagalog when I was younger, and in those movies, you can see old Chinese houses with courtyards that had fountains and wells and lanterns hanging outside. And I got to see the real thing here! It was surreal, actually, especially since it was very quiet and I was able to get lost in the moment, just me and my thoughts and the occasional click of the shutter (the husband was sitting in a corner, tired from all the 'splorin', haha!) When you think about it, all the history that probably occurred in this place, weddings, funerals, swordfights(!!!)---it boggles my mind. CNN has a great piece on Chongqing's Foreigner Street here. 

A few snaps of what we saw there. 

Personal {Carving Spaces}

I'm a natural homebody so I want our house to be as comfortable as possible, every room, if I can help it! I remember during one of our evening conversations I told my husband that our bed is probably my most favorite thing in the house, just because I look forward to sleeping in it every night, although I sleep alone for most of the year (*sniff sniff*). Needless to say, I've always believed that home should be a sanctuary, and that bedrooms should be a place to sleep, not to work or to study. I need to do both so I think I've unconsciously been looking for a way to have a permanent office in the house so I can avoid bringing my laptop, phone or tablet to bed with me. 

It's a good thing that we have a spare room which we use for guests. After some huffing and puffing, moving furniture and the spare bed around, I managed to carve out a small space that I could turn into an office. And voila, I got myself an office where I can park the laptop, tablet and other things that tend to keep us all awake at night. 

Carving Spaces and Relationships 

It also got me thinking about the importance of carving spaces for the important things in our lives, from friendships to work to self-improvement. Multi-tasking is over-hyped and when we grow older, we usually gravitate towards paring down activities to the essentials. I don't know if this happens to all, but I see this happening to myself and my friends, especially friends who have kids. Suddenly, quality time becomes more important, making home a safe and warm place becomes a priority, and meaningful conversations take precedence over hangouts where everybody's there but nobody's talking. I've noticed that my conversations with friends are deeper now, more meaningful, filled with questions and revelations and moments of enlightenment that comes from sharing experiences. This is the beauty of growing older I guess. We recognize what's important, learn to take away the frills and enjoy the essentials because  they're the things that really matter.

Now, I know that "stuff" doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. However, having your own personal space, whether it's for work, rest, or reflection and meditation, does matter a lot, so here's a take on the personal space/office that I managed to carve for myself last Saturday. And, (happy surprise!!!) making a space like this is not that hard. If you have a spare room or unused space,  you just have to do a bit of pulling and pushing, and maybe get few storage boxes to store the clutter that you cannot throw out, in order to achieve something similar to what I did here. 

Personal {Brother from Another Mother}

Dogs are our link to paradise. 

They don’t know evil or jealousy or discontent. 

To sit with a dog on a hillside on a glorious afternoon

 is to be back in Eden, 

where doing nothing was not boring

—it was peace.

—Milan Kundera

So this guy spent a few days with me. He soiled the carpet, the small sofa, and made a mess of the small patch of lawn that this house is lucky enough to call its own, but it was all good. When he grins he lights up the whole room.

Spirit {A Time for Everything}

There is a time for everything,

    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

    a time to be born and a time to die,

    a time to plant and a time to uproot,

    a time to kill and a time to heal,

    a time to tear down and a time to build,

   a time to weep and a time to laugh,

    a time to mourn and a time to dance,

  a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

 a time to search and a time to give up,

    a time to keep and a time to throw away,

 a time to tear and a time to mend,

    a time to be silent and a time to speak,

    a time to love and a time to hate,

    a time for war and a time for peace.

--Ecclesiastes 3

Turning 32 is teaching me a lot of things. A LOT. There were times when it seemed like I was in the middle of an army boot camp that I didn't sign up for, crawling through mud, covered in bruises and bawling my eyes out like a spoiled brat. This year has been filled with those, and I know there's more to come. 

But, it has been filled with happy moments, too, very much like the R&R soldiers get after intense weeks of training. I have no idea where the military metaphors are coming from, but they are are appropriate, I guess.

Life is a battlefield. 

You hear that line in songs but you never really get to appreciate how real it is until you live it. There's the struggle to do the right thing in the midst of pain and anger, the struggle to discover who you really are apart from the people you love, the job you love, the things you love. There's the daily battle for sanity and peace in the midst of brokenness and confusion. 

Growing up, turning a year older, is tough! I learned so much in the last couple of months of being 31 than I have probably learned in college or in high school, most of them about being an adult, learning humility, learning forgiveness, learning how to be forgiven, and returning to the things that matter-- love, relationships, being at peace with who you are, not defining yourself by the people you love and love you, but defining yourself by His love (and what an amazing Love it is!) 

I learned that there is really nothing that we know, for sure. We think we know a lot when we're young and then life hits us with curveballs and we're cowering in the corner, frozen with no clue about what to do. That is OK, still, as long as we know who to turn to when we're all bruised and swollen and swearing off baseball for the last time (the metaphors, again!). 

I learned that there is a time for everything, that listening to the Voice that matters brings peace, and that peace transcends all understanding. Because there are things that matter more, things that demand sniper-like focus and attention, otherwise they'd be gone forever. I thrived as a multi-tasker in college, dabbling in this and that and doing enough just to get by, but now, I am being taught, "There is a time for everything, slow down, focus on the things that matter, on love and relationships and covenants that cannot, and should not be broken, no matter what the cost."

Man, training is hard. Learning is hard. But I guess that what's life is. Everyday is a constant revelation of things that we didn't know before, or things that we have learned but forgotten. But it is also necessary. There are days when I wake up not wanting to be where I am, impatient at the thought of things I could be doing and it takes focused, painful and even exhausting moments of reflection to remember and realign myself with the things that I should be learning, right here and right now. So I guess 32 will be a year of more learning and more growing up. I can't say that I look forward to it. It seems painful and muddy and I'm sure I'll be bruised along the way. But I will get through it and hopefully, I'll come out stronger and wiser. 

A few snapshots from our birthdays (being apart is also tough, but we make do. Bought the husband a small blueberry cheesecake that he blew from the other side of the screen. Talk about cheesy!) 

Personal {Loving Horizons}

“We swung over the hills and over the town and back again, and I saw how a man can be master of a craft, and how a craft can be master of an element. I saw the alchemy of perspective reduce my world, and all my other life, to grains in a cup. I learned to watch, to put my trust in other hands than mine. And I learned to wander. I learned what every dreaming child needs to know -- that no horizon is so far that you cannot get above it or beyond it.”

― Beryl Markham, 

West with the Night

There are times when I get too comfortable in one place that I don't notice how far I am from the rest of the world. The process of preparing for big battles, taking care of relationships and changing priorities all seem like monumental tasks, and it's so easy to forget that the world is out there, beautiful and near and just waiting to be visited.  

A couple of high school friends and friends from Cebu called out of the blue and dragged me out of the house for an unexpected trip to Tierra Alta, that gorgeous place up in the clouds (a bit of an exaggeration, yes, but it's the closest you can go if you're not a mountain climber or on a plane, haha!). I was *busy* lounging in my big oversized T-shirt, relaxing with the customary tea after getting some work done when they announced that they were coming to pick me up. That was, I swear, the shortest prep time I've done in my life! No regrets, however. Tierra Alta is even more beautiful since the last time I visited, with new hotel rooms and a sky lounge. Plus, I got to meet and reconnect with old and new friends and realized how much I missed just being with people!!!  

A couple of shots taken with phone and special child Canon 50D.